The Masters
The Masters begins today. As a feminist, I know I should boycott it. After all, Hootie the good ol’ boy won’t let women join Augusta National. Alas, the past couple years, the Masters has been good to the tiny, persecuted, oppressed, and despised minority of which I am a member—left-handed golfers. How can I boycott the Masters when Mike Weir and Phil Mickelson are winning it? This year, four lefties are in the field. Past champs Mike and Phil, Steve Flesch, and Nick O’Hern. Lefty Richard Green won the Australian Masters, the gold jacket, and the Australian Order of Merit, but that wasn’t good enough for Hootie, and Richard got snubbed.
If you have ever watched the Masters, you know that it is famous for weird clothing rituals. Men run around in green jackets; caddies are dressed like Mr. Goodwrench. What will Hootie think up this year to torture the caddies?
If you’ve read other posts on my blog, you may know that I go to a More Light Presbyterian church. The More Light Presbyterians work toward the full inclusion of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons in the Presbyterian Church. I am thinking of asking the MLP to establish a section for left-handed golfers. I’m not quite sure whether there is a place for lefty golfers in the Presbyterian Church, or where we might fit in. I often wonder how Jesus would have treated us if we had existed 2000 years ago. Perhaps Jesus would have touched us and healed us, and we would have magically turned into right-handed golfers. I prefer to think that Jesus would have accepted us as we are and would have invited us in for a meal with tax collectors and prostitutes. I am hoping Jesus would have come up with some clever one-liner to deter the angry mobs from stoning us to death.
I am relieved to realize that I don’t have to boycott the Masters over my feminist views, because very soon we feminists will get revenge on Hootie and the Masters. Her name is Michelle Wie. Hootie, you male chauvinist pig, you had better find out Michelle Wie’s size quickly and have a green burqa ready for her!
If you have ever watched the Masters, you know that it is famous for weird clothing rituals. Men run around in green jackets; caddies are dressed like Mr. Goodwrench. What will Hootie think up this year to torture the caddies?
If you’ve read other posts on my blog, you may know that I go to a More Light Presbyterian church. The More Light Presbyterians work toward the full inclusion of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender persons in the Presbyterian Church. I am thinking of asking the MLP to establish a section for left-handed golfers. I’m not quite sure whether there is a place for lefty golfers in the Presbyterian Church, or where we might fit in. I often wonder how Jesus would have treated us if we had existed 2000 years ago. Perhaps Jesus would have touched us and healed us, and we would have magically turned into right-handed golfers. I prefer to think that Jesus would have accepted us as we are and would have invited us in for a meal with tax collectors and prostitutes. I am hoping Jesus would have come up with some clever one-liner to deter the angry mobs from stoning us to death.
I am relieved to realize that I don’t have to boycott the Masters over my feminist views, because very soon we feminists will get revenge on Hootie and the Masters. Her name is Michelle Wie. Hootie, you male chauvinist pig, you had better find out Michelle Wie’s size quickly and have a green burqa ready for her!
posted by Theodosia @ 4:00 AM
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