Transgender Eye for the Biologically Female Gal - II. HELP!
I got myself into this one, because I sought Valerie out. This is not her real name. I’m calling her Valerie to protect her privacy. I actually went through the profiles on the computer, sought this person out, and e-mailed her. This is a very important and rewarding friendship for me. I am not sure why I pursue these friendships with transgender people. I’m finding, however, that I am at a loss as to where to go for support. There are plenty of people who didn’t ask for this situation but who have it. A family member turns out to be transgender. They must have somewhere to go for support. I’m always wondering, am I supporting my friend in the right way? Am I saying the right thing?
I met my first transgender friend by accident at work. I’m going to call her Angie to protect her privacy. That’s not the actual female name she chose. This was a very different story. She was fairly youthful to make this sort of decision. And she was adamant. She wanted to be female physically as well as emotionally. She had a good job, enough money, and no children to support. She had a support group and a shrink. She went through living as a female, she went through all the physical things she had to do, and then she had surgery. Although I did not know her when she was living as male, I imagined she would have been rather puny and effeminate as a male. So it seemed that this was definitely someone who was born into the wrong body, and it made a lot of sense for her to go through a gender change. I still wondered whether I was saying and doing the right things.
Valerie has many more complications than Angie had. She has a decent job, but she has kids to support. She is not highly educated as Angie was, and she doesn’t have the formal support network. She has some family members who fully support her, but others don’t even know. She doesn’t have an easy time passing as a female. There is a real fear of violence for her when she dresses as a female. Again, I really wonder if I’m saying the right things. Am I offering the right kind of support for this person? She definitely offers me a lot of support. She is not just taking from the relationship but is giving a lot too.
Then there is the fact that I’m encountering some level of hostility from people around me for being in this friendship. My family members don’t know what to say. I think they are worried that I’m in an intense friendship with a transgender person. I don’t sense that they feel it is right to be transgender. They think it is sick and wrong and perhaps a sin. One transgender activist says that in Isaiah 56 the Bible says that it is not a sin because that verse says basically that eunuchs who are faithful to God have a higher place than sons and daughters. Also, I think my family members are worried I’m in danger from my friendship with Valerie. Other people I meet think I’m kind of weird when they find out about it.
So, I’m feeling lost on a number of fronts. I wish I could find some kind of support group. I’m wondering whether I’m saying the right things and offering the right kind of support. And I’m dealing with people’s ambiguous feelings toward me for having friendships with transgender people.
I met my first transgender friend by accident at work. I’m going to call her Angie to protect her privacy. That’s not the actual female name she chose. This was a very different story. She was fairly youthful to make this sort of decision. And she was adamant. She wanted to be female physically as well as emotionally. She had a good job, enough money, and no children to support. She had a support group and a shrink. She went through living as a female, she went through all the physical things she had to do, and then she had surgery. Although I did not know her when she was living as male, I imagined she would have been rather puny and effeminate as a male. So it seemed that this was definitely someone who was born into the wrong body, and it made a lot of sense for her to go through a gender change. I still wondered whether I was saying and doing the right things.
Valerie has many more complications than Angie had. She has a decent job, but she has kids to support. She is not highly educated as Angie was, and she doesn’t have the formal support network. She has some family members who fully support her, but others don’t even know. She doesn’t have an easy time passing as a female. There is a real fear of violence for her when she dresses as a female. Again, I really wonder if I’m saying the right things. Am I offering the right kind of support for this person? She definitely offers me a lot of support. She is not just taking from the relationship but is giving a lot too.
Then there is the fact that I’m encountering some level of hostility from people around me for being in this friendship. My family members don’t know what to say. I think they are worried that I’m in an intense friendship with a transgender person. I don’t sense that they feel it is right to be transgender. They think it is sick and wrong and perhaps a sin. One transgender activist says that in Isaiah 56 the Bible says that it is not a sin because that verse says basically that eunuchs who are faithful to God have a higher place than sons and daughters. Also, I think my family members are worried I’m in danger from my friendship with Valerie. Other people I meet think I’m kind of weird when they find out about it.
So, I’m feeling lost on a number of fronts. I wish I could find some kind of support group. I’m wondering whether I’m saying the right things and offering the right kind of support. And I’m dealing with people’s ambiguous feelings toward me for having friendships with transgender people.
posted by Theodosia @ 3:38 AM
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