Is the Presbyterian Church Harmful to My Health - Part 12

Things began to unravel the next week at Sixth Presbyterian. It was announced during the service that the More Light Committee would meet after church. After the service, I tried to befriend a new woman at church and introduce her. I was introducing her to the lesbian couple who was supposed to originally help me fit into the church. They were not particularly friendly and said, we have to go to the More Light Committee meeting. They didn’t even suggest or ask if I might be interested. There was also a gay man I had come to really like at the church, but I saw him rarely. I was happy he had showed up that day and wanted to chat with him. Apparently, he was a honcho in MLP. Every gay man and lesbian in the church but me disappeared into the parlor and closed the door. No one made any effort to include me in the meeting.

I went home hurt and depressed. I think this was the beginning of me starting to really feel bad and even a bit sick about MLP, Sixth Presbyterian, and just my future in general with the Presbyterian Church. I couldn’t understand how they could include me in More Light Sunday and the booth at the parade and then not even invite me to the committee meeting.

I got to reviewing everything that had happened since I’d joined MLP. When I went to Sixth, no one was available from that organization. The lesbian couple had gone off on vacation. The gay man in charge of it was ill. No one else had been designated to introduce him or herself to me. I never did find out for sure who was the contact in the Pittsburgh area. I was never told where local meetings were held. I was only invited to More Light Sunday because I made the move and contacted someone. I also had to make the move to get involved in the parade. No one ever told me about or invited me to the More Light Committee.

Anyway, a regional conference would be taking place in November. Erin had said I should help with it, but I had no idea who to go to about this, and no one seemed interested in having my help. By now, I was also beginning to feel abandoned by Erin, because she no longer answered my e-mails or letters. I started to feel very depressed about this. I envisioned going to the conference and being totally ignored by Erin. I could see her surrounded by activists in the organization who wouldn’t let me near her. I felt that I could not survive this emotionally. I think the thoughts of this started to get to me. I never really know what triggers a bout of anorexia or why, for sure. Usually, it’s too late when I start to have food issues again. I think the seeds for my food issues were being planted. I didn’t know about it, and I was helpless to do anything about it.

To be continued…