Transgender Friends - Part 1
Okay, I promised to start writing about my transgender friends on my blog, so here goes. When I decided to start reaching out to transgender people early in 2005, I had a philosophy on how I would approach it. I think part of this philosophy became developed during my friendship 20 years ago with my dear friend who transitioned from male to female and had surgery.
I guess the first thing I would say is that, since I am not transgender, I know nothing. So I had to be totally open. I don’t know what it’s like to feel that I am one gender emotionally and the other gender physically. I really will never be able to experience that myself. I have to realize that I’m with someone who experiences something I will never be quite able to relate to. That also gives me a lot of compassion when I think about it, because I can’t imagine how awful it must be to feel that you are one sex in your mind, but your body is the opposite sex. I can’t imagine how awful it must feel to have to get up in the morning and pretend to the world that you are something totally different from who you actually are. All of us have to pretend to some extent. Some people have to hide their sexual orientation. I certainly have to hide a lot of my views on things when I go to work, for example. I often have to dress in ways I would never willingly dress. I am very feminine in appearance, and when I dress femme, it’s hippy clothes. Not all workplaces will allow you to wear hippy clothing. I feel totally weird in business clothing. But this all pales in comparison to what it’s like to wake up female in the morning and know you have to go out into the world pretending to be male (or a male having to pretend to be female). Sometimes it’s good just to think for a minute how awful this must feel, and that you never have to go through this, but your friend, spouse, or family member has to.
Another thing about knowing nothing: when I met my first friend, I had to realize that I knew nothing about how one changes one’s gender. I’ll concentrate on this friend for today then continue this discussion in my next segment. The first thing I noticed about my first transgender friend was that she was already living as a woman. I had not known her as a male. She had changed her name to a name that either a male or female could use. She had longer hair. She wore female clothes, and she tried to talk in a higher voice. She passed very well, so to me she was female. It was hard to think that under the clothing, she still had a male body and male genitals. I found it very easy to just accept her as female and talk to her like one of the girls. However, there could always have been the possibility that I’d see her without her clothing—which never happened—but I always wonder how weird it would have been for me.
To be continued….
I guess the first thing I would say is that, since I am not transgender, I know nothing. So I had to be totally open. I don’t know what it’s like to feel that I am one gender emotionally and the other gender physically. I really will never be able to experience that myself. I have to realize that I’m with someone who experiences something I will never be quite able to relate to. That also gives me a lot of compassion when I think about it, because I can’t imagine how awful it must be to feel that you are one sex in your mind, but your body is the opposite sex. I can’t imagine how awful it must feel to have to get up in the morning and pretend to the world that you are something totally different from who you actually are. All of us have to pretend to some extent. Some people have to hide their sexual orientation. I certainly have to hide a lot of my views on things when I go to work, for example. I often have to dress in ways I would never willingly dress. I am very feminine in appearance, and when I dress femme, it’s hippy clothes. Not all workplaces will allow you to wear hippy clothing. I feel totally weird in business clothing. But this all pales in comparison to what it’s like to wake up female in the morning and know you have to go out into the world pretending to be male (or a male having to pretend to be female). Sometimes it’s good just to think for a minute how awful this must feel, and that you never have to go through this, but your friend, spouse, or family member has to.
Another thing about knowing nothing: when I met my first friend, I had to realize that I knew nothing about how one changes one’s gender. I’ll concentrate on this friend for today then continue this discussion in my next segment. The first thing I noticed about my first transgender friend was that she was already living as a woman. I had not known her as a male. She had changed her name to a name that either a male or female could use. She had longer hair. She wore female clothes, and she tried to talk in a higher voice. She passed very well, so to me she was female. It was hard to think that under the clothing, she still had a male body and male genitals. I found it very easy to just accept her as female and talk to her like one of the girls. However, there could always have been the possibility that I’d see her without her clothing—which never happened—but I always wonder how weird it would have been for me.
To be continued….
posted by Theodosia @ 5:28 AM
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