My Friend's Marriage

I heard from my friend in the middle of the night. I now have heard from her twice today because she has free cell phone minutes on the weekend. I am not feeling too interested in going to either church this weekend because of this, and it remains to be seen if I will go. The one church is conservative and believes in the sanctity of marriage. The other church is liberal, so gay men and lesbians who love each other are struggling to have the right to marry. Both churches, in their own way, are focusing on keeping couples together. At the liberal church, they are so focused on the rights of same gender couples to marry that I think the fact that it is RIGHT for some marriages to break up gets drowned out. For example, people at our church know and feel close to Rev. Janet Edwards, a minister in trouble with the Presbytery for blessing a lesbian marriage.

The reason I am not feeling too much like being in this atmosphere is that I don’t think my friend should stay married. I think she should get a divorce. No one should have to live like this. No one should have to stay in a marriage without any physical love in which the one partner is trying to hold on and maintain total control. I feel that I can put my own subjective feelings aside, and when considering this logically, I can say that I do not believe it is right for my friend to stay in this marriage. This marriage is bad and wrong. I have discussed my friend’s problems with others. I talked to Bobbie about them today. Bobbie is religious and goes to my church. Bobbie feels my friend must get out of the marriage. Other religious people aren’t so sure. I have a very religious gay male friend in California who thinks they should talk and try to work it out. If church says that my friend should stay in this marriage, I am beginning to think that CHURCH has to go.

I remember this happening a lot when I was a kid. I remember Catholics in horrible marriages who ended up quitting the church rather than stay in their marriage. Up until now, I have told my friend I am here for her. But now, I am beginning to feel that I am doing wrong and sinning by offering any support that allows this marriage to continue. I think this marriage is a sin, and I DO NOT believe God thinks this marriage is right. If my friend gets out, and there is no one else to support her emotionally (she’ll be okay financially), who knows what will happen? I have thought seriously about this. This marriage is wrong, and I feel very strongly about it. I am wrong to believe in any way that this marriage should continue. If I become an enabler of this marriage in any way, I am doing wrong. I am doing something which is against my own conscience. I feel so strongly about this that if church is going to try to change my mind, then church is going to have to be WITHOUT ME for awhile!