Transgender Friends - Part 3

This is a continuation of the story of my first significant encounter with a transgender person. This is the third installment. The second one was posted two or three days ago. As I said in my first installment, one attitude I had to adopt was that I know nothing. I had never even thought about the fact that if a man decided to transition to female, body hair would be a big issue. That was one of the first issues that came up between me and my friend. My friend was going regularly for electrolysis. She shared her experiences, and the procedure was very painful. She had to have hair removed from her legs, arms, chest, back, and face. My friend had a great sense of humor, so we decided to joke about it.

People have often asked if I was ever sexually attracted to this friend, and I always answer, "No, I think we were too much alike!" We both loved baseball, although she was a Yankee fan and I was a Red Sox fan. You’re probably amazed we’re still alive to talk about that one. Anyway, we had the same political beliefs as well. We were very leftist politically. At that time, Central America was the hot issue. My friend would get outraged and hop on a soapbox anytime regarding the situation in El Salvador. At that time, there was a notorious death squad leader, Roberto d’Aubuisson, who was responsible for kidnapping, torturing, and murdering thousands of people. We started calling her electrologist Dr. d’Aubuisson. Our private joke was that she was not going for electrolysis but was being tortured for her leftist political beliefs. Every time she went for electrolysis, she’d come back and I’d ask, "How’d your torture session go with Dr. d’Aubuisson?" and she’d crack up. I think this really helped her deal with the pain.

This happened 20 years ago, and one thing I would like to point out is that this was my friend, not someone I was studying. I took the attitude that I would listen and support what she wanted to do. I would not give advice, since I was not an expert on the issue. I would not judge or condemn her. I am sure she took hormones and I observed that she seemed to be doing things by the book. She had to see a shrink, she had to live as a female for a certain period of time. She had a support group and she made friends in her group. Some of them were mean to her and dropped her for no apparent reason. She had no children, she had a good job, and she had a skill she could find employment with as a female just as easily as a male. She was highly educated. Her family lived 3000 miles away. She told her family, although the grandmother was an issue for awhile. It was torture for her to lower her voice, use her male name, and pretend to be a man when her elderly, frail grandmother called. Eventually, she told the grandmother, and the lady took it quite well.

I had my own problems at the time. Lots of them. So when she had surgery, it’s not like I dropped everything and put my life on hold. She took off work, had her surgery, and I was just available if she needed me. After it was over, she described the whole thing and sent out "It’s a Girl" cards. She then battled the insurance company to cover it. I was there as much as I could be. I’m sure I could have done a better job of being a friend, but I’m sure we all can cite many times when we could have been a better friend.

To be continued…